(Updated 7/25/10 - We made a return trip yesterday. A couple of updates. 1) There is more corn on the drive than I remembered. Still, not as much as your average drive through Iowa, and the rolling landscape makes helps fight the monotony. 2) There was a heck of a lot more to the farmers' market than just cheese. Pretty impressive, really)
Junction
[juhngk-shuhn]
-noun
1. an intersection of streets, highways, or roads.
2. a place or point where two or more things meet or converge.
3. a place where you need to be sure to come to a complete stop and look both ways before proceeding...once you enter the mix inexplicable shit just might go down.
Think for a moment about all your previous moments. Think about how one interplays into the next, how each has been influenced by all those before it, and how this moment is going to influence all those that come after it...
Alright, that's enough. You're using your free time to read something I wrote so I won't waste it giving you a migraine. It's just that when memorable moments occur, I sometimes get to thinking about all the things that had to happen to get each and every element of those moments together in that exact place at that exact time. It can be overwhelming. Case in point:
Some people think that everything is happening independent of everything else; that everything is random. Others argue that everything is already predetermined; that God, or fate, or something else is driving each and every moment in a very non-random and organized way. What's the answer? You're asking the wrong guy. All I know is that every once in a while some crazy inexplicable shit goes down and all you can do is sit back and ride the wave. Inexplicable shit, as in what I witnessed in the morning hours of Saturday, June 19, 2010.
It was the day after my official first day to Eat, Drink, and be Merry in Madison, WI. My sister, her boyfriend, my wife and I were all moving a bit slowly after the previous day's events. We had rolled out of the hotel a bit later than planned, and took some extra time eating our breakfast at the coffee shop we stumbled upon during our short walk from our downtown hotel to the Capitol Square. My wife wanted to get a bit of shopping in and was pleasantly surprised to find a huge farmer's market in progress stretching all the way around the square.
Her initial boost of excitement was quickly dampened by the fact that there were way too many people to weed through to get even a look at any of the vendors' merchandise. It was mostly just cheese anyway, so we stumbled around to a corner of the square and took a moment to quietly synchronize our internal hangovers and gather ourselves for the next leg of the group stagger. The next thing I knew my sister was shrieking something along the lines of WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW! Her hangover appeared to be gone, seemingly stayed by some divine image that drew her gaze to the intersection behind me. I turned as our eyes all converged on the target of her's only to realize that there was nothing divine about it...unless, that is, you're talking about this Divine:
What we did see was a group of a dozen or so naked people mobilizing on bicycles in the intersection behind me. For about 30 seconds they just stood there making various noises to get everyone's attention, as if they needed to do anything but stand their with their junk flopping around. After what seemed like forever they finally hopped on their bikes and started pedaling around the square.
That's when the true extent of this parade of privates was revealed to us. Our peripheral view of the group was blocked by the crowd that had gathered in the area, hiding the bicyclers' true numbers that extended to somewhere between 75 and 100. It seemed to go on forever as they all rode by. They were of all ages and came in all sizes. Hardly any of it was pretty, but we all seemingly couldn't look at anything else. To further enhance our viewing experience, they were extremely creative in how they presented their stuff, the most common accessories being body paint, various improperly worn undergarments, and duct tape (yeaouch, I know...I don't get it, but I know). Shouting things like "less gas, more ass" and "oil is crude, we're just nude" as they rode, the point of it all was to protest our over-dependence on oil and to promote positive body images. I give them a tight and perky A-cup for the principals of their endeavor, but a very droopy D-cup for their execution as I didn't walk away with positive body images for any of them. I'm not all that pretty to look at either, but at least I have the decency to walk around in public with my pants on (you're welcome).
So how do we get to this point? As I said when I started this post, so many things had to happen to put us all on that particular corner of the world at that particular moment. For me it was all put in motion around the time I was born, but since there are about 5-10 years in there that I would rather forget about, I'm going to stick to just the 24 hours that led up to the crazy naked people on bikes (seriously though, I still don't get it...bicycle seats are uncomfortable enough with pants).
Considering how ridiculously it ended, the story of my first official day to Eat, Drink, and be Merry started out innocently enough. It was Friday, June 18, 2010 and I was heading to Madison, WI with my sister, her boyfriend, and my wife to see Zane Lamprey's new traveling comedy show, Drinking Made Easy. I said all there is to say about Zane in Part 1, so let's get right to the events of the day.
Breakfast was pretty much a non-event. To break up the 3 hour drive from home we had made the drive to Dubuque, IA the night before and stayed with my parents. That morning we just raided my parents kitchen for some simple rations, put some coffee into to-go cups, and hit the road.
For starters, what a great drive. I don't think I had been in Madison since I was 10, and haven't been up Highway 151 into Wisconsin for any distance in at least 10 years. It's all four lane road now (direct but pleasantly winding) all the way to Madison, and only takes an hour and a half driving the speed limit from Dubuque. There's plenty of terrain to keep it interesting and little if any corn to have to stare at, which is huge for an Iowa boy used to miles of endless corn on the side of the road. It tastes good and feeds some tasty beef, but it's not pretty, it's not interesting, and it's certainly not something you want to stare at for a drive of any length (ever see Children of the Corn?).
Our first stop wasn't planned (which, if you know my wife, is pretty amazing). It was getting close to 11:30 and we were getting ready for lunch. We planned on waiting until we got into Madison, but a billboard on the side of the road about 20 miles out looked intriguing enough to change our minds. It was for The Grumpy Troll, a brewpub and eatery in Mt. Horeb, WI. We found our exit and took the 10 minute detour into town.
Why trolls? Good question, but it wasn't just the restaurant. The entire town has some kind of weird obsession with them. They're on people's lawns, in the name of most local businesses, and in multiple landmarks seemingly staring you down from just about every corner of the main drag into town. While I'm not a particularly huge fan of trolls, The Grumpy Troll was pretty sweet.
From a food standpoint the menu looks pretty standard for what you would expect from a typical American brewpub/restaurant for both selection and price. Taste-wise, however, it was pretty outstanding. I had the Chicken Bacon Melt, my wife had the Grilled Salmon Summer Salad, my sister had the Towering Turkey Club, her boyfriend had the Cajun Bleu Burger, and none of us had a single complaint. I would rate the bang-for-your-buck factor at about 9/10.
Most of the microbreweries I've been to tend to over-hop just about all their varietals making them all kind of taste the same. This was not the case at The Grumpy Troll. I could appreciate something in just about all of them. My only complaints were that the IPA was more than too much at 9% alcohol, I'm never a huge fan of porters, and the stout (while not bad) was not Guinness. As one would expect, the girls favored mostly the lighter brews while the boys favored the more hearty, but we all found something we could order a pint of if we ever make it back. The group favorites 3/4 of us could agree on were the Downtown Brown, Trailside Wheat, Ensign Fred, and (surprisingly since it was over 15% alcohol and quite fruity) Grumpy Cherry (although there was some confusion as to whether what we got was cherry or actually raspberry). All-in all, a great start to the day.
From there we headed off to our next destination, the Bier Garten at Capital Brewery in Middleton, WI. We had a bit of a rocky start as we hit some construction on the back roads leading from The Grumpy Troll. After what seemed like hours (but more like 20 minutes) our moods started to dampen, but the wave of orange barrels and paving equipment finally subsided. We pulled into the brewery parking lot at about 12:58 and to our pleasant surprise, they didn't open until 1:00. So, either 20 minutes enjoying the countryside in A/C driving 15 mph, or 20 minutes standing at the gate waiting for them to open up...I think we did alright.
It was a really neat setup and I would love to go back on a Friday or Saturday night when something was actually going on. Unfortunately, they were just setting up for the day so there wasn't really all that much to get excited about while we were there. But there is an outdoor bar and a bunch of picnic tables under a 30ft high translucent blue cover that's there to offer protection from the elements. On the opposite end of the tables from the bar is a stage where I assume they have live music and offer other forms of entertainment. They don't serve food, but have a ton of menus on hand from local restaurants that make deliveries. How fun would that be on a cool summer night to order or bring some food from one of your favorite restaurants and enjoy whatever entertainment the brewery had going on while sitting under the stars. It's a destination I definitely plan on getting back to sooner rather than later. We were still pacing ourselves a bit so we didn't try all the beers they had to offer, but from what we did try I could certainly find something worth drinking for a night.
We finished our drinks and the girls decided they wanted to do some shopping. There was another bar in Middleton we wanted to check out, an Irish pub called Claddagh, so we headed in that direction (apparently it's a chain. who knew? a link for the chain's main page is here). It worked out pretty good because there was a shopping area right across the way from the pub. Not feeling the shopping vibe at that moment (or any moment in my case), the boys headed into the bar while the girls headed off to do their thing.
Still full from lunch, we didn't even look at the menu, but the beer selection was top notch. Either on tap or in a can/bottle, they probably had just about anything the average beer drinker in the midwest has heard of, along with quite a few selections unique to the Wisconsin area. They had Boddingtons on tap so I stuck with that and Guinness. It's unlike me to not try something new when given the chance, but after trying so many new beers already that day it was time for some old favorites. The girls finished their shopping and stopped in for a drink, but we headed to the hotel shortly after that.
We stayed at Hyatt Place Madison/Downtown. It's only about a block away from Capitol Square and was near the theater we needed to get to for the show. The four of us split a room with two double beds. The single shower/bathroom was a bit of an inconvenience, but there was a nice sitting area toward the front of the room where we could all spread out and relax. To give you an idea of the space, three or four more people probably could have comfortably fit in the room. We got some rest, and then got ready to head out for the night.
It was time for supper so we headed to the square to figure out or options for food. We decided on another Irish pub. This time around it was Brocach, which is right on the square. From the decor, to the live old school Irish music, to the food, to the Guinness infused bloody marys (yes, i had one, and it was friggin' fantastic) this was my kind of place (and I'm not even Irish...I don't think...maybe 1/16 or something). I've never been to Ireland, but it must have been authentic because my wife ended her 8 year abstinence from drinking Irish car bombs (I won't recap the story of why she stopped in the first place...disgusting).
What a lovely looking table. Let's count the car bombs...1...2...3... ...ah, there it is, 4! There was, let's see, 4? Yeah, 4 of us. If everybody had one... ...that means...
HOLY CRAP, B HAD A CAR BOMB!
Enough about the drinks, lets get to the food...oh dear god, the fooooood. My sister and her boyfriend split the Shepherd's Pie. They had never tried it before, but liked it well enough to want to find a recipe when they got home. My wife got the Greek Salad with steak, which sounds boring enough, but was actually pretty fantastic. For me, it had to be the Bangers and Mash. I've only had bangers and mash from one other place; the relatively new British pub in Cedar Rapids called The Londoner (I won't link to it here because it will inevitably be a destination on a future day to EDM, but you could always do an internet search in the meantime). While I've fallen in love with the Londoner's British style that takes sausages and mashed potatoes and smothers them in gravy and green peas, I had one hell of an affair with Brocach's Irish version that replaced the peas and gravy with an apple shallot sauce (that includes slices of cooked apples). I seriously had to fight off the urge for a cigarette as we left the pub.
By now it was time to head toward the theater. A major storm hit Madison while we were in the pub, and its clearing made for quite the scenic backdrop during our walk. We got there and grabbed our tickets at will-call just as they started letting people in. Badda-bing badda-boom the show started, we endured, and it ended.
We hit a couple more bars, but the night was getting late and the let down from the show coupled with the ragingly awful shot of tequila a waitress picked out for us (I wish I knew what brand because I would never get it again) had us ready to walk home...but the entertainment for the night was far from over.
As we prepared to turn left at an intersection to head around the Capitol Square , we noticed another couple walking toward us from the right (to give you an idea of the logistics, once we took our left turn we were going to be walking in the same direction on the same street right next to them). They were probably in their lower to mid 20's and were obviously just finishing a night of drinking of their own. He was carrying some kind of party hat in his left hand and was holding her up with his right arm as she clung to him for dear life. From the looks of things she wouldn't have been able to crawl home under her own power. Having been in that position a few times back in the day, I couldn't help feeling a bit empathetic. That was about to change.
As we turned left at the corner my sister's boyfriend got a little too close. His right hand brushed the party hat out of the other guy's hand. The guy was pretty cool about it. As my sister's boyfriend bent over to pick it up for him, the guy, speaking in an obviously joking tone, said some thing along the lines of that's it, I'm going to have to knock you out. My sister's boyfriend, being the kind of guy that could go up to just about anyone and have a friendly conversation, quickly quipped back in an equally benign tone something along the lines of oh, we're going to have to fight? OK, lets fight. As he said this he put his hand on the guy's back and gave it a bit of a gentle rub to make extra sure that the guy knew he was just playing back with him. For a moment, all was fine.
Now I don't know if it was an ill-perceived threat of violence, or if she was some kind of Hitler-esque homophobe and thought my sister's boyfriend was coming on to this guy, but the girl who couldn't even stand on her own the previous second took off running the next. And she wasn't just running, she was flying. She looked like a world class sprinter as she shrunk into the night darkened horizon. We all just kind of stood there with dumb-ass looks painted on our faces (including the guy), not really sure what had just happened. Nobody said anything for a few seconds and we just watched her go. Then the guy, still not sure of what was going on, said something along the line of oh well, see you later and took off after her.
Back to our original numbers, the four of us exchanged glances and then looked back up, expecting to see her lying dead on the ground with the guy having finally caught up to her to drag her the rest of the way home (after all, only 10 seconds prior she still looked like she couldn't remember her name). To our surprise she was still going, and while the guy was running after her, he wasn't gaining any ground . It was like she wasn't running from us anymore, but rather from him. She didn't want anything to do with anybody, anyway, anyhow. And that was the last we saw of them. They either turned a corner or finally ran out of view into the darkness, but for all I know he is still chasing her down. Let's just hope he didn't end up like this (actually, watching this clip makes me wonder if it is more in line with her (and his) true motives than anything else, in which case I hope she got away):
From that point on my sister's boyfriend and I couldn't stop laughing. My sister, originally pissed at him for "instigating" the whole thing, quickly realized how completely ridiculous it all was and that the girl was probably going to freak out at some point that night whether we had crossed paths or not. She started laughing which fed our laughing and the three of us had an absolute laughing fit the rest of the way to the hotel (it would have been all four of us, but that tequila shot had completely done my wife in). I'm sure that there's an element of you had to be there to all this, but we'll probably be retelling the story at various family gatherings until the end of time. Which is fine with me, because I'm sick of hearing the one about me running around with a red hand print on my butt after getting spanked when I was 2 for playing fireman on the bathroom mirror...
For the trip overall I would have to rate the food factor at 5/5, the drink factor at 4.5/5, and the merry factor also at 4.5/5. Being the day that inspired this blog you knew the ratings for it had to be high. My only knock on the food was that I didn't get enough, but that's no one's fault but my own. My only knock on the drink was the steep drop off in quality during and after the show, which is odd since the name of the show was Drinking Made Easy. And my only knock on the merriment was that the show that instigated the whole trip was a bust. I can't start with a day that rates 5/5 across the board anyway. What adventures would I have to look forward too?
I'll be back soon with a much shorter recap of my 6/26/10 day to EDM in Kansas City, MO.
Until then, take a day to Eat, Drink, and be Merry
Kudos on recreating these moments. Not sure how you were able to remember everything. (Did you really take that shot of tequila?) I was certainly transposed back to that evening. What a wonderful night to have on record. Thanks for doing this. Can't wait to hear about future exploits. Hopefully I can continue to help contribute to more fond memories. ~Nick
ReplyDelete